Second chances

So I found a song to use in our wedding. I don't know how I'm going to use it yet. I'm not sure if it's going to be my walk down the aisle song or our first dance song. All I know is that it perfectly encompasses the way I feel about Ryan. It's called "When I say I do" by Matthew West. The first few lyrics say, "there must be a God, I believe it's true. Because I can see his love when I look at you. And he must have a plan for this crazy life because he brought you here and placed you by my side. And I have never been so sure of anything before like I am in this moment here with you." It's so perfect because that's exactly the way I feel about Ryan. He is such a gift from God on my life.

So before I met him, I was in this five year relationship with another man. He was not an awful person by any stretch of the imagination, but we were pretty awful for each other honestly. It was long distance and we didn't get to spend enough time together. I was never his first priority and I always felt like I should have been. We were even engaged for a brief period of time, but that's all water under the bridge, and I have forgiven him now. 

The day we broke up, he told me that he believed that God was telling him we weren't meant to be together. #1 how cliché can we be? #2 he never talked to me about his relationship with God. How was I supposed to know what God was really telling him? I was so angry, you guys. I have never wanted to punch another living person so bad in my life. I was crying and shaking with rage. As he broke my heart, I began to shout, "What are you doing? What are you doing?"  He thought I was talking to him, but I wasn't. I was talking to God. How could God be to blame for ruining my plans? Why was he doing this to me? I was so mad at God. The next few days were a blur. But somewhere in the pain I began to forgive him and God for this unexpected throw back to square one.
A few months later, I met Ryan and I knew immediately that God intended him to be my husband. We both knew. Ryan talks to me about God on a daily basis. We build each other up. He loves me like Jesus does in the best way. He is selfless, compassionate, encouraging, loving, and he is always doing what is best for me. And the best part is that I've done nothing to deserve his love. I am not beautiful, I am not special. Why would he choose to love me? I am undeserving. In the same way, Christ chose me, even though I am ugly and rotten, on the inside and out. That's why the song I picked for the wedding means so much.  Because I do see God's love for me every time I look at Ryan. I see His love, His mercy, His forgiveness, His grace, and His wonderful  knack for giving second chances to the most undeserving souls. Thank you, God, for second chances and thank you, God, for Ryan.