So it's two weeks before my wedding. Is this even real life?! If you follow this blog regularly, you have already discovered the two things I am most passionate about: my Jesus, and my fiancé. My favorite thing in the world is when my two passions are playing off one another. It happens all the time. God constantly reminds me that I wouldn't have Ryan in my life if it wasn't for him. And on the other hand, Ryan constantly reminds me to seek God in my everyday life. It's the kind of balance I have dreamed about my whole life.
We did a little pre-marriage counseling this morning. I was a little nervous because I didn't know what to expect, but I honestly don't believe it could have gone any better. Our pastor advised us to pray together every day. We don't pray together every day, mostly because we don't see each other every day (night shift problems). But, we do pray together quite frequently. This is completely new to me. I've never done this with another man, ever. And frankly, when Ryan first suggested it, I was scared out of my mind. Sometimes I still am, but the idea is growing on me. He usually prays aloud for us. I would have thought he would have been more nervous about praying aloud in front of me, but surprisingly, he acts like it is the most natural thing in the world. It really warms my heart.
Another thing our pastor said to us is that after we get married, Ryan will become like the pastor in my life because he is supposed to lead me spiritually. He looked at Ryan and said, "That should scare you to death." Later on, Ryan confided to me that he isn't scared of that at all. He said, "It seems like the natural thing a man should do for his wife. I can't imagine not helping you grow spiritually." And it's so true, ever since I met Ryan, my relationship with God has grown so strong.
A few days ago, one of my very dear friends was struggling with some pretty adult-like decisions. She confided in me. She asked, "Were you scared -- or are you scared about spending your life with Ryan and about everything that's going to come with being married and how did you know that was the right thing?" Pretty heavy questions with not so simple answers.
To answer these questions, I'll give you some background on me. Reading and writing have been two of my favorite things since I was a kid. I am a sucker for happy endings. I love old-school romance, the kind that makes you wish for a time before social media and texting, back when men were obvious about their intentions instead of waiting one minute longer than you did to text back so he doesn't seem needy and desperate (can you believe that's a real thing people do?)
Did you know the Bible itself is a love story, a romance if you will? God, the creator of the universe, actively pursues us. He consistently reveals himself to us. From the very beginning in the garden, he has made it known that he desires a relationship with us. Have you ever heard the song "How He Loves"? Have you ever listened to the lyrics? The song beautifully captures the love story. I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me.
God knew exactly what I needed when he sent me Ryan. He knew that I needed someone to actively pursue me. He knew I needed a man that was honest, compassionate, affectionate, and godly. He knew that I needed someone to romance me. He knew I needed someone to make me laugh. He knew I needed someone to build me up and help me see the good in life again. He knew that my heart had been broken and that I was giving up hope of ever finding a man worth risking that again.
When my friend asked me these questions, I told her no, I'm not scared. How could I be scared? Let me take that back. I am scared of certain things. I'm scared of spending nights alone while Ryan works. I'm scared of living in a different town. I'm scared that our finances will somehow fall apart. But do I have any doubts that I'm suppose to marry Ryan? No, not one, never. Never have I had more peace about anything in my entire life. Loving Ryan wasn't even a choice I made. It was just like something that was hard wired into my system. Loving Ryan is the most natural thing I've ever done. I feel like I've known him for years. I feel like I've loved him for years. Because I think I have.
Every man I have ever dated has had something about him I have wanted to change. Either they didn't have time for me, they didn't like to talk enough, they didn't make me laugh, they weren't affectionate, they didn't encourage me to follow my dreams, or they just had no regard whatsoever for my feelings, they were all insufficient to meet my needs in some way or another. You name it, there was always something I would have changed about all of them. But not with Ryan. I'm not saying he is perfect. He's a neat freak, the world's worst driver, his grammar makes me cringe, and he falls asleep if you don't pay attention to him for more than 90 seconds. But even with these minor flaws, I wouldn't change a thing about him. Not one single thing. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is the man God intended for me to marry. So no, I'm not scared. No, I'm not nervous. No, I don't have cold feet. I've been dreaming of this marriage to this man my whole life.
After hearing my response to the question, another friend in the conversation asked, "Where's my Ryan?" Promise you he's out there, And he'll show up when you least expect it. Right when you have accepted the fact that you'll be single forever and maybe after you consider becoming a nun, that's when he'll show up. Because God has a sense of humor. My advice to those of you still seeking your Ryan, PRAY ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE EVERY DAY. When I radically started praying about my dating life, God dramatically changed my heart. He gave me discernment about different men who had asked me out so that when Ryan did introduce himself to me, I immediately felt like he was someone I wanted a second date with. Bonus: Some of Ryan's first words to me had to do with his relationship with Jesus Christ. It was so refreshing to have a man be so upfront about something like that. So for me, God could not have been more obvious if he himself had spoken audibly from the heavens to tell me, "This one." So please, ladies and gentlemen, don't settle. I almost did, and I almost missed some of the biggest blessings in my life.When people say that you'll just know when you meet the one, it's absolutely true. God bless.
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